It is amazing to me to experience the trials and tribulations I’ve had in my life and see how God uses them to cause me to grow in ways I never imagined. From my childhood trauma, an abusive marriage, divorce, deaths, struggles my daughters have had, and many more difficulties, I can see how He has used them for good. I can usually look back after the struggle and see how God helped me or those I love to grow. I think it is a blessing when the Lord gives me a glimpse into His plan, even after I’ve been through the pain. Often, the lessons include learning how depraved this world is, how good He is, and how I should trust him more and recognize and accept his help, strength, and love. I often try to understand why difficulties are occurring in the moment, and wish I could know why things, that seem bad at the time, happen. But, I see now that if the reason was revealed to me at the time, it wouldn’t have as much impact and influence on me. It is as if He needs something dramatic to break through to me. Some of the time, I imagine I also stretch out the pain longer than necessary, or make it feel worse, by not trusting Him and seeking His help, instead of trying to fix things myself.
The Lord uses events in everyone’s life to build character and to serve His purpose. But I can only tell my own story. I can see more now how God has been using my daughters being gay to serve a higher purpose. It has taught me to grow in my ability to love unconditionallly. I’ve learned about how much my own pride and will have clashed with His will. I’ve had expectations for my life and my family that were not part of His plan. Through all of this I’ve studied the Bible much more, prayed more and with more passion, developed more supportive relationships, become more humble, learned how to be kinder to all of God’s children, and my faith and relationship with the Lord has become stronger and better.
The last several months I’ve also been feeling a very strong passion towards “doing something” regarding this journey I’ve been on in a way to help others. I have developed kindheartedness towards gays and want to help prevent the abuse and pain they experience. However, I haven’t known what I should do. I have a strong compassion for parents that are struggling regarding a gay child. I’ve wanted to help them in some way. I’ve thought the Lord was wanting me to start some sort of support or study group for gays and those that love them, struggling especially with the Christian aspect of being gay. However, the need doesn’t seem to be apparent yet. So, I grow with this lesson, learning more about waiting on the Lord.
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