Gay versus divorced

The last few weeks I've really felt like God was impressing upon me the similarities around being divorced and being gay.  Many Christian churches used to shun those who were divorced.  Many times they didn't even try to find out the details regarding the divorce, such as if adultery was involved, or if they were left by the other spouse.  Fortunately, I am not in the generation that was impacted by that.  But, I have struggled with figuring out where I have sinned, or am still sinning, in this area.  I also wonder if others judge me because of the number of times I've been divorced.  I also have been realizing that according to scripture, I should not ever remarry (1 Cor 7:11) and, of course, no sex ever again.  That is a sad and depressing thought.  But, at least I've had the pleasure of marriage before, and I have 2 wonderful daughters.  What about the gay Christian that thinks he/she can never have this?  I can't imagine that kind of despair.   

I've had some Christians tell me that my last divorce was not sinful because my husband essentially left me because of his unacceptable behavior and that he refused to change.  I've been told the same thing about my first husband who was physically abusive.  But, there is nothing explicit in the Bible that these are legitimate reasons for divorce.  Why is it that some Christians try to justify these exceptions for divorce, but these same ones do not grant an exception for marriage between LGBT individuals?  Why is it that if I did remarry, and therefore would be in sin, that I wouldn't be shunned, nor would people feel the need to point out my sin, or struggle with how to show me love without condoning my behavior, but for LGBT folks it is different?  Our society obviously has a prejudice against those who are LGBT.  Isn't it obvious to Christians that we are being sinful by not loving them and not making them feel welcome, accepted, and loved by God.    

The same leaders in our church who may not grant us permission for a ministry to build bridges with the gay community, are the same ones who approved a divorce recovery ministry.  Did they struggle with approving that?  

Starting a new ministry

A lot has occurred since the last time I wrote in this blog.  I have to admit that I really do NOT like writing.  It is very difficult for me.  But, I do think God is using my journey to cause a lot of improvements in my life.  I also believe He wants me to help others in a similar situation in a more concrete manner.  So, even though there’s other things I’d rather be doing, I am writing here again because I sense that this is another tool God wants to use for both my growth, and to help others.

With encouragement from my mentor, about 5 months ago I began making concrete steps towards having a ministry in this area which I've blogged about.  I can really see how God has been moving in this process and how it is HIS ministry.  I coordinated some focus group meeting to get others' ideas about such a ministry.  God has called 2 other moms with gay sons to be part of the leadership team.  Three other Christians with same sex attraction also felt called to be a part of the ministry.  And, there have been about 3 other loved ones referred to us that are in need of support.    

With input from the focus groups, we identified a name for the ministry, created a mission statement, and refined a written description for the ministry.  This was a lot harder than I had anticipated.  Even figuring out how we refer to the members or beneficiaries of this ministry was difficult.  We finally landed on having 2 parts of the ministry.  The first is for a support group for loved ones with an LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, or transgender) person.  The second is for building bridges between the Christian and the LGBT communities.  We had multiple meetings with some leaders at our church and received initial approval from our church to be part of their Freezone Ministries.  We’ve surveyed some other churches in the area; created a brochure to explain this new ministry; defined a meeting preamble to be read at the beginning of each meeting; created a Facebook page; and created a website. 

I’ve decided to blog about some of the challenges around creating and eventually running this ministry, with my own personal perspective on my feelings and my continual journey in growing as a child of God through this process.  Having a responsibility in this more public official ministry, I find that it is much more difficult to blog about this issue.  There are so many people I could offend or that could misunderstand my heart or intentions around this ministry.  I fear it could also put a stop to this entire ministry.  The elders and pastors at my church are already quite concerned about our ministry, especially the bridge building side of the ministry.  They are concerned about the ministry misconstruing the church’s position regarding homosexuality.  I strongly feel that if we as Christians stay silent around this issue and not actively reach out to the gay community and those that love them, that we are doing GRAVE harm to not only LGBT individuals and their loved ones, but also to the church as a whole and that it will also prevent many people from embracing the gospel.  This not only includes those personally impacted by LGBT issues, but also many people in our society who are watching the church’s response to this issue.  Gay marriage is now legal in 30 states and this is likely to grow to all states.  Nearly everyone knows an LGBT person.  If we fail to actively show love to this population, then it will, in my opinion, further divide the Christian church, it risks showing hypocrisy around the whole gospel message, and it will result in more lost souls (not just those LGBT individuals).

We were ready to start meeting, but then ran into some roadblocks.  One was finding a location for the meetings.  We also heard that some of our church leaders had some concerns about the ministry, which was preventing us from being able to move forward with the bridge building side of the ministry.  We met with some of these individuals.  One of these individuals said that they are worried that by showing love to the gay community, others may think the church condones gay sex.  This is EXACTLY why this ministry is needed.  Too many Christians do not know how to show love to LGBT individuals.  We want to have bridge building meetings where we go through a DVD series to help show others how this can be done.  Yet, this is such a contentious issue, we cannot yet do this.  My heart is racing… I pray God does a mighty work in these leaders that are struggling with this issue.  

  

In my next blog I plan on comparing the churches love for other populations that were formerly shunned by the church, such as those who are divorced.  I'm preparing myself that I may also offend some of the population that has been divorced, since in many cases, I also believe divorce is a sin.  (I am NOT having fun yet!)