I’ve always thought I unconditionally loved my daughters. However, thru this journey, the Lord has deepened my understanding of the meaning and benefits of unconditional love. And, by his grace, he has given me the gift of truly being able to love my daughters unconditionally. And, he continues to use this to cause me to have a deepening love for others going thru similar struggles.
I had been a single parent for most of my daughters’ lives. We were very close and had a great relationship where we could talk about anything, or at least I thought so. However, this new subject of being a lesbian was something I could not deal with. I went thru all the phases of grief… denial, negotiating, anger, and acceptance, often all in the same day… well, not the acceptance phase until months later. For the first several months I couldn’t talk about the subject, or see my daughter around her girlfriend. I was rude to her girlfriend by not acknowledging her at all. And, when talking to my daughters, I often pretended like it wasn’t real … denial.
By using books, Where Grace Abounds support groups, and speaking to me thru the Bible, the Lord eventually broke thru my pain and stubbornness and brought me to a new level of love. I first came to the place where I could “hate the sin, but love the sinner”. I began really seeing how conditional my love had been, and how this needed to change. It’s easy to say you unconditionally love your children, until they continue to do something that you vehemently disagree with, something that seems terribly wrong. I couldn’t have learned to unconditionally love my daughters without the Lord. It is a continual process since we can always have our love deepened and widened. I believe God has a purpose in this whole struggle, to teach me to love more fully, not only my own daughters, but others also. What greater gift could I be given than love?
What my daughters needed most from me was my love. It wasn’t my place to try to change them. The Holy Spirit’s job is to convict and bring inward change. It wasn’t my place to judge. That is God’s job.
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